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Mary Haworth's Mail

Bachelor Biologist Rebuffs Her

EAR MARY HAWORTH: A few years ago I met a biologist, an outstanding educator and lecturer, also socially tops. A short time later I was fortunate enough to study in his classes. His teaching attitude was helpful and kindly, until one day i conducted a required experiment in class. and he was unduly critical of me before the group. So much so that many classmates privately gave me words of partisan encouragement.

Later I worked in a laboratory where I was responsible for biological experiments. The position required knowledge that I couldn't supply in a given instance, and immediately I wrote to Mr. Dick (I'll call him) for help-as he had said he'd be glad to advise if need arose. However, he didn't reply and after eight months' waiting I wrote again. Many weeks later he sent the information-too late to be of help to me.

I am a very conscientious person, desirous of making and keep-

ing friends. I cannot explain the sudden change in his attitude from kindilness to cold indifference and nonchalance.

I am willing to forgive and forget the painful criticism before the class; and I have constantly extended loving prayer-thoughts to him which weren't in vain, I am sure. But is there any way I can prove to him that I have a genuine interest in friendship? I realize that to win friends I must first show myself friendly-but he is a bachelor and I don't want to make ä nuisance of myself. I've tried to analyze and understand his behavior-and I can't. K. L.

He Rejects Hidden Aim DEAR K. L.: As regards this Mr. Dick, your would-be friendship is a cloak for matrimonial designs, I think. It appears that ¡you have been smitten with him since first meeting-impressed as much by his professional and so-

cial prestige as by his bachelor status and male appeal.

I gather you set your cap for him (at least unconsciously), and found opportunity to enroll in his classes as an approach to closer acquaintance. His initial kindly attitude stemmed very likely from! casual professional courtesy-only that and nothing more personal.

His cutting criticism of your class demonstration may have been equally professional from his view! -objectively aimed at dissecting inferior work that couldn't pass muster by laboratory standards. Or it's possible, of course, that he was making you the butt of harsh rejecting sentiments, while he had you in the spotlight-driven to this by his neurotic aversion to your persistent bids for his special attention.

Amongst bachelors there are various types-including the latent homosexual, who is obscurely spiteful towards dependent feminine women, especially those who may try to enlist his romantic allegiance or engage him in close camaraderie. It is my impression that something of the kind underlies Mr. Dick's peculiar incivility to you in the classroom incident and also in regard to the letters he pointedly ignored until too late to be of help.

My advice is to put Mr. Dick out of mind. Waste no more time trying to court his interest. Inasmuch as you've known him for several years, without making headway in friendship indeed, getting rebuffed instead-it's plain common sense to drop the chase. It is all right, I suppose, to send loving prayer thoughts towards him-but if mate love and marriage are your heart's desire, you'd better ask Heaven to bring some real husband-material into view. M. H.

Mary Haworth counsels through her column, not by mail or personal interview. Write her in care of the Plain Dealer. (Copyright, 1953, by King Features Syndicate)